Long Facebook status

Hello everyone,

This was literally a facebook status that I felt the need to write. I carried on to doing this as a blog, because it was just not enough to share my feelings on that platform. Take it or leave it concept is what I apply all to life and so it goes for this blog. I wrote this on Friday, July 8, however, it has been in my heart forever. So here you go folks, the blog that I didn't think I was going to write, but wrote anyway.

Have a good day.

"All throughout my timeline, I have seen nothing...but post after post of this week's events. The tragedies and the violence. The innocent blood shed. I have read post about race and the fair share of opinions (that everyone is entitled to). So tonight for my love of Michael B. Jordan and his role in the recent film he played in called Fruitvale Station, I watched tonight on Netflix. Seeing the end and how I knew Hollywood would play it, they put the death of Oscar Grant at the end. A tragic end for a man, who I did not know, and seemed to be turning His life around for the good. It was noted at the end of the movie, the police officers involved were fired and executives stepped down. The officer who killed him was jailed for 2 years, but released after 11 months. At first, my reaction was that's all he got! Like anyone who was outraged and/or upset at that time. However, something in me shook and it made me think. For some this might be another language and/or stop reading at this point when i will mention His name, but by all means continue on. Again, however, if I were the role of the accussed, the sinner, the wicked, the unjust and God being a good judge sentenced me to a life time of eternity of the reflection of my own hate and wrong. I would deem it right that I deserved that long sentence ahead. Then up and here comes Jesus...the savior of my soul, the redeemer of His own, the matchless King, the Holy one of Israel. Stepped up and took in my place the rod of God's punishment. Making it to be the FIRST time the TRINITY was SEPARATED since before "time" had a name, but knowing the risk was great, the reward was plenty. A 75 pound cross and flogged stripped flesh stood before those that "thought" they were worthy. Only for God to state for the very essence of what He has always been telling people. "Watch and I will show you that I am the Lord thy God."...and He did. That moment made it for me to state a historical fact and not just a tale. That Jesus made me FREE. Not some constitution that did not include "property" but I don't need a piece a paper to tell me that I am His. I just need the blood to make me look like my Dad, the blood that allowed me to speak to Him again, the blood that made me best friends with Him again, the blood...is all I need. It made me 'forgiven' the moment I accepted and believed. No white nor blue man told me, for God told me that He draws me near, that He chose me. A rock could draw you to Jesus, if God allowed it. He gave a donkey intelligence, I am sure He can do all things. So, I can conclude with this, I do not know this police man's story, I don't know if God changed his heart and he asked for forgiveness and made a way for Him out. I don't know. Or it has been said that the wicked take care of the wicked. I don't know. Am I omnipresent? no I am not. But, what I do know. That violence is violence and God doesnt even take delight in the wicked's death, read Ezekiel 33:7. Or He hears the blood of the innocent, read Genesis 4:10. I am not saying that, those lost should not be defended, however, if those families lost have FAITH in Him then know that God never forgets the what the wicked has done and that He is the BEST avenger. It has never been a skin problem, as more so a heart problem. So in order to combat the hatred of this world, there has to be leaders raised up in the love of God. It is the only LOVE that won. God has probably awoken up some Joshuas with other names, He has probably awoken up some Moses' with different names, He has probably awoken some Pauls, Timothys,  you name it with different names. Some Esthers, maybe some Hannahs...All I know, all I lean on His understanding and...all I want is for God to move for His people. And for the good cops out there let there be a leader in your mist. Take your place now. I know that this is long, but I thought "my turn."  And, I am really a writer. #startingnow #blackmentakeyourplace #blackwomentakeyourplace #Jesusbeliftedup #Satanyouhavebeendefeated #MovebyyourSpiritGod."

You Are Not Alone, Dear.

Hope you like this cool little photo here...Thought I would add pictures in this blog and as you can see I went overboard, sorry lol.

Hello Folks,

How are you? You good. I would hope so. Mann, its been a crazy couple of days for me, not as in busy with external things, but trying to break down some internal things if you catch my drift. Yeah, I have been going through in a sense, and it has posed quite of a emotional challenge for me. I was going to write to you guys the other day, about the compassion of the Lord and go over what I learned in Jeremiah. However, I was not feeling it, it was like I didn't want to write about something when I knew my heart was not in it and God obviously did not put my heart in that almost post (However I heard Him say, "talk about loneliness," but I bypassed that because I didn't want to discuss it, what a special person I am. Be obedient to the Holy Spirit, people).

I have been feeling in shorter words, emotional to say the least more so "alone." I have been fighting some enemies that are not physical and I finally won this morning. Yeah, you're wondering what is she talking about, what has she been going through over there? Hold on, I'll tell you, but let me say God had gave me a nice slap on the hand or tush like Daddies do to get you out of your MESS. I am glad I serve a God who is gracious and merciful. All-knowing and forgiving. See's your pain and gives you the healing that you need. Rather that be comfort in your storm or encouragement on the ship. He delighted in telling me that He is never far and there is no where that I can't be reached by Him.

For the last couple of days, I have been numb and other words sucked up the lies that the enemy has told me on so many levels and I let them sink in. I repeat I had allowed myself to get drunk off his lies and looked like a fool. I was encouraging people during this time, but it was like I was running on an empty tank. I was not full. So the moment, that I would get off the phone with someone or finish writing to someone I would get this overwhelming sensation of despair and grief. It would be over just not being enough, to daddy issues, to mommy issues, to just overall I sucked. I don't deserve to live in the end of this little spell that I went through. I know, dramatic of me right, I mean how can I go from telling you people to learn how to love like God to the most depress woman ever. But, sadly that's what I was going through earlier this week.

The Enemy had my mind something tough.  I just could not function properly in the middle of the nights it was like I was almost watched, but I wasn't. I would listen to encouraging music and read the bible. However, I would drop back into that spell of despair once again and before you know it, it starts all over again. I was like, gesh, when am I going to get enough and here is the killer part. I would imagine Jesus, standing over me, ministering to me like the Holy Spirit, but I was just not hearing Him.

I mean, be honest with me people have you ever been that way, where you just too down in your funk that when someone tries to encourage you, you just was not having it and automatically just felt lower than before. I wouldn't say that He brought me lower, but I definitely was being the stubborn jerk that I am (again sorry Jesus) and not listening. I was so messed up in the head, I literally thought that God I don't deserve to be here. I mean look at my record, look at how screwed up I am, and I just can't seem to find joy these days Lord. I am a mess and it can't possibly be a MESSAGE. You can say that I threw myself the dopest party and Satan was the host in my mind. The battlefield in the mind, you guys is something dangerous and you must be prepared for such encounters or it will knock you off your square. I mean I have experienced it before, but when it gets to the point where you feel like you are trying to swallow something and you just can't quite keep it down (That's how I felt like God's word was to me, food that I couldn't keep down). I had one of those moments and it was dreadful.

So the self pity party was going on all night in my head and I could literally picture my past on walls and see that I am seriously perverse. Whining and crying about every little thing that I've done, finally God spoke more like slapped this in my face.

"DO YOU THINK YOU THE ONLY ONE BROKEN?! THE ONLY ONE WITH A PAST AND MISSING PIECES, DIAMOND. IMAGINE WHAT THE EX-FORNICATORS, THE EX-HOMOSEXUALS, THE EX-PERVERTS, THE EX-CONS, THE EX-VICTIMS, THE EX-SLAVES, THE EX's FEEL. Their past is just as dirty as yours and I deliver them all! How can you think that you are such a lost cause, a lost piece of trash, a lost one that My hand can't deliver you. Quit becoming a drunkard off Satan's lies and adhere to My truths. I formed you before you even knew you were you. I predestined you before the foundation of the earth (Romans 8:29). When you came, I already knew you. No matter what dark place you go to I will always be there (Psalms 139). Stop allowing the root of lies make your heart stone and let me rip it from its root. Allow your heart to forgive those that made your feelings sour and let me back into My home (me). I love you with an everlasting love and there is nothing that can separate us (Jeremiah 31:3; Romans 8:38). I love you forever, know that."

And, you guys within that moment I felt so good and at peace I blubbered like a baby "sorry" to God so many times, because I have a bad habit of throwing the self-pity parties. And, it is not so much the memory  in and of itself, but the pain that keeps it there. I am not saying that I have the darkest past, but I am not shy to say it wasn't that grand to where my feelings secretly kept tally marks like a victim. Slowly but surely I forgave everyone this morning and kept saying that I forgive myself. He made me also note out that I MUST love myself, because He loves me. All the while, even secretly I hated myself too. I guess, God wanted me to write this and get it out there as a testimony. Now that I am free AGAIN, I have to put in practice of staying free AGAIN. And, stop allowing my pride to take control in the worst way. Pride takes many forms, but self-pity is one of them. When you think you're too BAD to be apart of a Kingdom that God clearly called you to be a part of. Yes, my friend that is pride and pride was about to take me out (Proverbs 16:18-Pride before destruction).

So I encourage you to not only understand that you are definitely not alone, but to also be mindful that God sees you in your darkest hour, in your weakest state. He knows what you need and what needs to be done. Hence, why I am a blank canvas and in the end I will see His finish work in me. God had to remind me that I was not alone through my own understanding (He can definitely meet you where you are at) and that He still is. When the bible says that He gives you the peace that passes all understanding, His word means it. After, I sobbed and asked God for forgiveness over the simple fact that I am such a nuisance and spoiled. His peace literally made my heart soft and allowed me to digest what He said. Oh He loves you with a love that will shake you and it definitely shook me. After that I went to sleep and I woke up actually being able to breath.

You might be going through the same, but take the word for what it is and know that the storm does not last forever. He is definitely preparing my heart for some more rain though. Every moment is intentional with Him and He never fails.

If you want to be a 'blank canvas' used for God's glory: Romans 10:9 will definitely give you that slate of WORKABLE ART. Taste Him and see (Psalm 34:8).

Stay encouraged and be bless. Love ya



Diamond

OUR LOVE VS. GOD'S LOVE

It's me again, Diamond, the girl you don't know lol.

So, how is everyone doing? Pretty good, I hope from the weather being the way it is. I know some of you guys are probably enjoying it the most before winter season starts back up again and the people forget how to drive even though they been living in the states that have the winter season months for years lol.

However, no biggie, love them with the love of the Lord I suppose :).

Which brings me to today's discussion if you will to something that I haven't quite grasp and I will be honest it has been a struggle to do so. And, that is to love people with the love of the Lord. Now, in a matter of speaking to most people's understanding loving people with the love of the Lord is to some simply meaning to love UNCONDITIONALLY. Which is true, do not get me wrong, that is the premise of God's love, but there is really so much more depth to His love even more so to that word unconditional.

Now what is unconditional/what does it mean? Well let's go to the handy dandy dictionary source through the internet called dictionary.com lol. Unconditional means and I quote, "not limited by conditions." Don't you just love when you try to define a word and it has the actual word in the definition...like that's like me looking up the meaning of 'word,' which is defined as, "letters in a word." So lets find something that has a bit more meat or in other words more description. Unconditional means in the terms of vocabulary.com, "not modified or restricted by reservations. Whether its love, support, or surrender, if something's unconditional it's absolute and not subject to any special terms."

I like that, now that is a definition to me folks lol, however, don't get me wrong the first definition was correct as well, but the second one hit home. How many of us including myself, allowed conditions to determine how much we are going to love someone. The condition even put you at odds with someone, because that didn't meet the condition that you set up for them. Leaving you ultimately disappointed and further more even distant to love again in the way that you feel is plausible.

And, I got to be honest with you guys, I am at fault with that myself. I loved someone with conditions and still do to this day, because I am a human-being and it is apart of the human conditioning (sin nature). However, that is no excuse seeing that is, that I am a new creature and redefined by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on who I am really, but sometimes the broken pieces in who I use to be take root some how and in some way. That leaves a stain on how I/we love.

However, how we love is broken and due to that we can't truly love how God loves based off our own understanding (Proverbs 3:3-5). For loving how we love, will never be enough to bring someone to the understanding of Christ and what He has ultimately done for us, because of our lack of His love. Breaking it down even further, loving how we love brings about a few things, but I will only touch on two as a result of it. For one our selfishness, that is one thing that is brought about or even due to how we love as individuals, because its about Me, You, I type of attitude. The excuse we come up with is, "they don't deserve my love, because of what they did x years ago and I won't stand for it." When in actuality (<---the fact that, that is even a word blows my mind, because I thought it wasn't years ago, but back to seriousness). Who are we, to be so arrogant and dismissive to think that due to that whatever issue it was x years ago (speaking to myself in this case), they don't deserve love. Everyone deserves love and all honesty it is what ALL OF US crave for. It is one of the most potent desires in the human heart and that is to be loved.

So to be so prideful and overly concern about your feelings (which switches up as bad as a light switch) to why you don't love somebody the way that Christ even loves you and me to die for you and me (the Gospel) is to be completely absurd.

Our pride, we think that we are so good or some cases too bad to be loved and it is quite the opposite. Pride in essence as God broke it down to me, "was to think highly of one's self." You/I thinking that our love will change a person, will heal a person, will deliver a person is ultimately a false idea, even though we would 'love' for it to happen, but in all honesty if we love the way we as humans do, our love will tap out, become broken and it will eventually give up on that person who more than desperately needs to be loved. Either way, we are putting conditions on our love for that person who we are quote, unquote "trying to help."

Now those are just the two, but there are plenty more of what loving the way we love could bring up in a character about ourselves and others, but those are the only two that seem to really pop for now. So that leaves me with, what is God's love and how is it unconditional. For starters, when you read the bible and you go to the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which says in the NEW KING JAMES version, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity (doing something you shouldn't be doing basically), but rejoices in the truth, hopes in all things, endures all things."

Now, that my friends, is love and I can tell you if we love people the way WE love them. That first beginning of that scripture will not be accounted for in our conditioning. However, for those that are in Christ and have been reborn again. This type of love, God's love, must be displayed and I am telling you I am convicted and guilty for not loving this way. I will be so real through this blog and say I have not loved this way as of late. I mean I am quick to let the old me slither and creep in making me feel selfish and prideful. However, I am so thankful I serve a patient God. I mean I read something last night that kind of stuck with me and that was during the ancient times in the book of Jeremiah. The Israelites by that time completely forgot about God and started worshiping other gods for the heck of it. So you can imagine the task of Jeremiah being difficult, because he was a prophet to a people who did not want to listen to a thing he said. I mean Jeremiah is giving them warnings that God's judgement is coming soon and they steady giving him the flick of the wrist (no pun attended with the song). So instead of God's elect listening to what His prophet was saying and repenting they let the dictates of their evil heart run them. However, it was little over 900 years since mount Sinai in Moses' time that God being who is, PATIENT, to give His people time to turn over and repent, but they never did.

First of all 900 years...is a long time. 365 days times 900 and something. And, God was patient with them and can you imagine God's heart breaking each and every day. To see only a few truly serve Him and the rest forget Him. God does His best to swallow forgiveness over the things that His people do to hurt Him. However, most people don't even know, until they know Him for themselves to truly see HOW MUCH God loves them. His LOVE goes so high, so deep, and so wide it is crazy to believe.

That my friend's is God's love unconditionally and that is what needs to be in practice rather than our own. But, I will be honest with you, its hard to apply it to those that are unkind and everything messed up and that has always been my issue to applying this Love. But, thank God for His Grace and Mercy. I know I need it and pray for me Saints to truly apply it. I need to apply more of it and not just snip pits of it, but the whole lot of it, because we all need God's love.

So let's grab God's best and apply it.

God Bless and love ya (meaning it) =),

Diamond